Living: Holiday Inn near Universal Orlando
Working: Hub925 Orlando
Laundry: Guest Laundry, Holiday Inn near Universal Orlando
This week in laundry I realize I’m chasing demons more than dreams.
Orlando is without a doubt the theme park capital of the world. Between the four parks on the Walt Disney World Resort, the two parks at the Universal Orlando Resort, and the vast bounty of water parks, hotels (with varying degrees of luxury and theme), and other entertainment options, it’s easy to see why.
Oh Orlando…
This past week, Alcon McBride held a two day hands-on training seminar with their show control equipment. For those not in the know, Alcon McBride supplies the themed entertainment, museum, and A/V industries with show control and media solutions. Their equipment is used to coordinate the playback of different media, including lights and actuation equipment (things that control things that move).
They aim to provide the best support in the industry. Hence an amazing opportunity to learn hands-on with their equipment.
The Themed Entertainment Association (TEA) also held an east coast mixer on Wednesday. In the past, I’ve found myself at the west coast mixers, so I enjoyed the chance to see a different set of faces than usual. The mixer underscores for me the key reason why I continue to pursue a career in the Themed Entertainment Industry (theme park development) – there are amazing people here. And I want to work with them.
It was nearly two years ago that I was sitting on my couch in Chicago, reading Ed Catmull’s book Creativity Inc., that I came across a quick paragraph where Ed described his search for a home to realize his dream – to create a feature length computer animated film (he would eventually succeed with Pixar’s Toy Story). In that paragraph, Ed describes a moment where after pitching his intentions to Disney, the company expressed disinterest in developing computer generated animation, but offered him a position in what is effectively Walt Disney Imagineering – the branch of the company dedicated to the creation of theme parks and experiences.
And while that position wasn’t what Ed wanted, I immediately recognized it as something that I did. I studied film in school, and had walked away from my storytelling roots for an easy career as an engineer, which I also enjoyed, but not to the full breadth of my capability. I love engineering, but I also love storytelling – I’d like to think I’m quite good at both. And here, in Ed’s dismissal, I stumbled upon a forgotten possibility – that there’s an entire industry where storytelling and engineering co-exist and intertwine, creating some of the most engaging experiences on the planet.
This was the moment I began chasing a dream.
Feels like chasing dragons
Without a strong understanding at the time of how to enter the industry, I threw all my weight behind learning how theme park development works. I studied hard and took the GRE so that I could apply to graduate schools for degrees varying from robotics and industrial automation to entertainment technology programs, and then I applied to them. Well at least one of them.
I also came across the Themed Entertainment Association around the time I was taking the GRE. I noticed they had a two-day conference called SATE (Storytelling, Architecture, Technology, and/= Entertainment) in Sarasota, FL in the fall, so I signed up to attend.
That SATE was my first step into the industry. All of the sudden I was mingling amongst the developers and engineers that create these amazing experiences. I found myself in the midst of both Disney and Universal talent – as well as meeting and learning about a whole breadth of suppliers that support park developments worldwide. I also made many friends that first SATE – I consider myself lucky to continue to develop my friendships with such amazing people a year and a half later.
Several months after SATE I got the call from Disney recruiting to come be a part of the team at Imagineering building the next generation animatronic controls software. The dream had been realized – and it felt like with barely any effort.
And the dream materialized as I drove across the country after the Christmas of 2014 to arrive in Silver Lake, Los Angeles, CA – my new home. I remember the drive strongly and fondly. It included my first visit to the Grand Canyon, where the recent snow lent deeper texture. And a quick visit to the Hoover Dam on my way to Las Vegas. And the final desert drive into LA.
The View from the Hoover Dam
I started at Imagineering in Glendale, CA, a week later.
Selfie from my Traditions Orientation at Disneyland – when I had long hair
Four months later, I resigned. I found myself in the position where I felt it was the right thing to do, even though a part of me, lots of parts of me, didn’t want to. Who would want to? A resignation so soon is a general indication of failure. Certainly I had failed, for a variety of reasons.
A friend who works as a manager in the company later expressed that the official unofficial company terminology for “it sucked” is “it was a learning experience”.
Even without that advice, I would say that my brief tenure at Imagineering was a learning experience.
I learned a lot about my faults and my shortcomings. I learned about what I struggle with most, and what I need to continue to work on. I learned that even though I’ve achieved amazing things throughout my career as an engineer, that doesn’t make me perfect, or even all that fantastic. And I learned how important it is to surround yourself with great people.
Next week marks the one-year anniversary of my resignation. It’s hard to imagine it’s been a year since my transition from living the dream, to chasing the dream again.
But in some ways it’s been a long year as well. A year of reflection upon what went wrong, and what I could and should have done differently. It’s also been a year of searching – trying to find a place where I don’t just have to survive, but where I can thrive.
I’ve learned a lot this last year, but I still have no hard answers. I have a feeling the adage “nothing gets you over the last one like the next one” holds true here as well. But that also means I’ll need a leap of faith when I find myself with my next industry opportunity. And honestly, I’m scared that it might all go wrong again, even though I shouldn’t be.
It’s the continued pursuit of the dream that brings me to Orlando this week. It’s an opportunity to participate in the industry through training and networking events, both of which I’m very grateful for. It’s also an opportunity to spend time with friends that I only get to see a handful of times a year. Such occasions provide so much value not just because they’re enjoyable in and of themselves, but because they remind me that there are amazing people in this industry, and the people are why I want to be here.
But between the handshakes, the smiles, and the hope for a new home, I can feel a fear that lingers under the surface. Somehow being in Orlando brings it to my attention. Maybe it’s because I’m here in Orlando for a reason. Maybe it’s because I want to feel hopeful, but I don’t. At least not the way I felt two years ago, when I first decided to make a career change.
Because I’m not here chasing dreams as much as I’m chasing demons.
I find in my mind I’m trying to overcome my failure. How do I explain what happened to my peers? My colleagues? My potential clients, or coworkers? Even a year after it happened, I haven’t figured out a good answer to that. I only hope to put enough distance in time between it and myself so that it doesn’t really matter anymore.
If I could do it all over again, there are so many things I would do differently. I should have been asking for help, instead of complaining. I shouldn’t have been drinking on campus whenever I felt threatened, which was basically all the time (Imagineering, at least the part that I worked in, had a strong alcohol culture).
One of my faults that I’ve recognized is that I soak up the energy of the people around me, and spit it back out amplified. It’s great when the people around you are positive and helpful. But when surrounded by ego and insecurity, I often find that I become an unpleasant person by taking on those properties as well.
This happened just the other night at the TEA summit. A group of young individuals were gathered on a Thursday evening, after the first day of presentations. One of the individuals was just laid off from Imagineering, and was preparing to move back home out east. He had bad things to say, and a somewhat sour attitude and energy. But the things he said he said so well.
And I took that and soaked it up and spit it back out. Before I knew it I was complaining. Before I knew it I was a participant in the negative, and I hated it. And I didn’t know how to stop it. And I regret that it happened.
At the end of the day though there’s only one person responsible for my actions, and that’s me. I need to do a better job of recognizing when I’m regurgitating negative behavior as its happening, and find a way to stop it. It needs to not drain all my energy as well, or else the effort would be wasted anyway.
That’s a fault; it’s one of the demons. It’s one of the things among many that I feel like I’m fighting to overcome. I feel like that’s a strong reason behind why I’m on the road. I’m searching for some peace. I’m searching for my true, best self. I’m fighting my demons. Because I feel it’s only once I’ve faced them, overcome them, and mastered them, that I can truly be ready and worthy of a career in this industry.
Facing down my demons
A lot of what I’ve just said is negative, or sad, or both.
But there’s been lots of good this year as well.
This year I’ve been grateful for the opportunity to re-balance my ego – to reconnect with my core values, and strengthen my efforts to bring out the best in others.
This year I’ve also been very grateful for all of my friends who have been there for me – even if that was just a day at the park, or coffee in my hometown, or a hello on social media. Believe me please when I say it all lent value to my life, and for your presence I am very happy.
If you’re reading this, then by that very definition you are one of those people. And for that, I am very grateful as well.
In the midst of all these socks and gratitude one thing is for certain: regardless of whether it’s chasing dreams or demons that brings me to Orlando, Universal is just across the street, and as soon as my laundry’s packed away I’ll be Hogwarts bound.
Caught in the splendor of Diagon Alley